BEANER MEETS WORLD

KAGESHI’S MOST ROOM-BANNED USER: BEANER

December 11, 2016
By myke


I hadn’t had a reply from the winner of the KLN poll, JmeSaurusRex, so when Beaner entered the Kageshi Lobby out of the blue, I wasted no time in setting something up. As far as the Jme-interview goes, I’ll keep you updated. Then again, maybe she’s not interested – that could be the case, too. Regardless, congratulations to JmeSaurusRex for blowing the competition out of the water! Dope stuff, indeed.

KLN interviews people that make a difference on Kageshi.com. The ones that truly stand out amongst the rest. The originals. People that are unique in their own way. Now, if I haven’t confronted you about doing one of these, it’s because of two reasons:

  • No one gives a shit about you
  • I just haven’t had a chance to speak with you yet

I’m working on it, slowly but surely. Hell, for the last few days I’d been beating the fucking breaks off of a nasty cold that I had. That fucking sucked so bad. But, there’s nothing a shot or twelve of white rum won’t fix.

All in all, if you never get chosen for one of these, maybe you’re just not KLN material. Don’t get all weird and fucking strange with me. I don’t make the rules. Joking, of course I do! And I’m trying to showcase the baddest of the bad on this mother fucker.

Look, the entire site has cliques, right? Well, here’s the thing – each one of those groups of people thinks they’re the top shit around here. Seriously, think outside of the cock here. You – you reading this – you think you’re fucking King Dick around the site, huh? Well, so does everyone else, including me. Now, with all of these loose cannons running around, there’s bound to be a few room bans.

And speaking of room bans…



Before we begin, do I have your permission to publish this on KLN?

beaner: Yes.

Thank you. You’ve been mentioned in the past few interviews. What makes you Kageshi-famous?

beaner: That’s a tricky question. I wouldn’t call me famous.

Is it true that you’re banned in 90% of the rooms on Kageshi?

beaner: Yes.

fckya

Nice, man. Let’s pretend the room owners of those rooms are reading this. What would you like to say to them?

beaner: I would say I’m just here to pass time and let’s say – make a joke once in a while.

Nothing wrong with that. What room do you stay in the most?

beaner: It was 30’s, but zOmbie doesn’t like me, so we try to make new rooms such as alter’s.

qzkdwh4

What’s zOmbie’s beef with you?

beaner: Well, from his interview I’m an idiot. [Laughs] I have no beef with anyone, it’s just chat. No one pays my bills in real life.

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If I set up a PPV Celebrity KEKmatch between you and zOmbie, would you box him? Or -should I say … LULbox him?

bpdu47z

beaner: I don’t know what that means. Like Celebrity Deathmatch?

FML. Yeah.

celebrity_deathmatch_6888

beaner: zOmbie hasn’t walked out of his house in 7 years. He’s weak. He can’t beat anyone up – he’s a computer geek.

hestonlaugh2

[Laughs] Wow, OK, so – let’s say that match isn’t going to happen. Beaner, if you were an admin of Kageshi, what would you do to make the site better?

beaner: Make it better? Stop the bans and kicks. I get kicked for using big fonts or not camming – just kids here.

[Editor’s note: At this point, I changed my font size to smaller]

screenshot_69

Do you have a hard time reading this?

beaner: Yes. I’m 47, it’s hard to read.

I was just fucking around.

beaner: You’re the one asking the questions, I’m answering.

Beaner, besides me, who would you site ban if given the chance?

beaner: No one. Banning is for the weak. This a chat room.

Beaner, please. Just one person?

beaner: Use the ignore button. I don’t wanna ban anyone. I want to chat with people.

Wow, I actually respect you a little more now. Holy shit, wait – are you drunk?

hehasapointyouknow_8798a366f202a6b23394b4ee254d710b

beaner: That doesn’t matter. I would feel the same way sober. I just wanna chat with people and waste time from my world.

Have you ever jacked off on cam?

beaner: Hell no! I’m too good looking for that. [Laughs]

Are you in a relationship?

beaner: Most weekends, yes. I’m single, though.

Have you ever e-dated?

beaner: From chat, yes. I’m not so good on dating sites though.

160211172148-eharmony-neil-warren-780x439

Care to name any names?

beaner: The people who know who I am, know who they are. I’m not here to throw anyone under a bus.

giphy-4

What room has the most autism? Be brave, Beaner.

beaner: All the rooms do. I’m banned from all. [Laughs]

If you were stranded on an island for two years, what 3 things would you want with you?

beaner: Water, water, water.

Where were you born?

beaner: Los Angeles.

Have you ever been out of the country?

beaner: East Los Angeles.

That- that’s part of your first answer, right? Because – I feel a facepalm coming on.

beaner: [Laughs] My fan’s from Mexico, yes.

Your fan was made in Mexico? I think mine is from China.

beaner: My fam.

umm_84350c_1544962

Ohhhh – Wow, yeah, big difference there. Beaner, on a scale of 1-10, 10 being super awesome, how do you rate Kageshi.com?

beaner: Zero

[Laughs]

beaner: They ban quickly.

Do you think the admins fuck with us on guest names?

beaner: That’s none of my business.

03401090-8273-0133-980c-0a6c20e5e327

Would you ever consider being an admin?

beaner: I work too much. Hell no.

Who’s the best admin on kageshi?

beaner: None of them talk to me. The only one I know is zOmbie and he bans me, so no one.

Has zOmbie ever banned you for more than 2 days?

beaner: I’m on a 10-year ban at this moment!

From 30’s?

beaner: YES!

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Wow. Well, in some ways that could be a blessing. I mean [Pauses] who’s actually cool in there other than zOmbie and Ragnar?

beaner: ME!

The rest of those guys are a bunch of fucking neckbearded shit elves.

picgifs-laughing-0304594

beaner: YOU DIDNT GIVE ME A GOOD REVIEW EITHER!

Now, now. Beaner, let’s play a game here. I’m going to name some random people from Kageshi. If you could, give me a one-word description of each person.

beaner: I’m too honest. Are you sure?

Ready?

beaner: GO

zOmbie

beaner: JEALOUS

spad

beaner: I don’t know him.

That’s 3 words,  Beaner. We’ll accept it, though. OK, moving on. Sponty.

beaner: I don’t know him either.

This whole this is backfiring, Beaner. OK, alter_legend.

beaner: JEALOUS.

Rick Star

beaner: GAY

DrunksRUs

beaner: …don’t know him.

OG Joker

beaner: FAT

JmeSaurusRex

beaner: I DON’T KNOW HIM.

My God, man – I don’t know if you’re being honest or fucking around!

laughing-gif1

beaner: I MIND MY OWN BUSINESS, THAT’S WHY.

Why are there so many weed rooms?

beaner: THATS YOUR JOB, NOT MINE.

Hey mother fucker, I’m working here! [Pauses] You know, I just realized you’ve been typing in caps this entire time, please excuse me. OK, moving on. If you had to guess, how many weed rooms are there on Kageshi?

beaner: One.

Have you ever slept with a man?

beaner: Yes. My dad when he was sick.

Nice way to fuck up the rest of my joke. I mean – I’m sorry about that.

beaner: It’s your interview.

Beaner, what’s the last thing you’ve done that ended up hurting someone?

beaner: I think not going to my cousin’s husband’s funeral.

Why did you not go?

beaner: There was a lot of tension in the fam at the time so I decided not to go.

Are you in a gang?

beaner: Never. I said fam. Family.

173426-cat-michael-jordan-slams-door-reob

What’s your favorite music? As in; artist, genre or band.

beaner: When I was 7 years old my cousin turned me on to The Doors and Led Zeppelin.

You know, truth be told, part of the PM was blocked by another I was sending and it looked like you said your cousin turned you on…

beaner2

beaner: To the MUSIC.

I see that now. Beaner, do you listen to Rap?

beaner: Not the crap nowadays. But, the Dr. Dre shit from back in the day is awesome.

Have you ever been in a fight?

beaner: Too many times.

What subject(s) were you the best at in school?

beaner: I’m good at all, just never applied myself a lot. I got into drugs.

Hard ones?

beaner: 8-ball a day, plus beer and weed. I’m drug-free, 17 years now. I’m happy about it now. We all have a past. I’m happy to share my past with other people if they’re willing to listen.

Very nice. Have you ever tried that new thing people are doing? They’re smoking oatmeal.

beaner: I smoke cigarettes, that’s enough. What the fuck? Smoking oatmeal?! Geez Louise!

Well – it’s dry oats, Beaner.

beaner: No, thank you. I’m 47. I tried all the drugs already. These kids nowadays are too much.

Beaner, people are rolling dried oats in a rolling paper and then smoking it. Fat blunts too. Beaner, they call it “taking the oat”, like, ‘taking the oath’.

beaner: To each their own. Let them be.

Speaking of Lucifer, Beaner, do you believe in Satan, Beelzebub, the devil, the deuce, the Great Deceiver, the Father of Lies, the Prince of Darkness, Old Mr. Grim, Old Ned, Old Nick, Old Sam, Old Scratch, the Old One, Old Rip, Old Poker, Old Splitfoot, the black spy, the gentleman in black, El Diablo or bogey?

beaner: I’ll put it this way – if you believe in anything.

[Editor’s note: nothing else was said. I don’t get it.]

One day people are going to be allowed to live on Mars. Would you ever live there?

beaner: Nah, I want to die here in Los Angeles, in the beach.

Like – in the water? Or…

beaner: Cremated and ashes in the water.

But, die on the sand?

beaner: Off the pier, hopefully. [Laughs]

Ever have any recurring dreams or nightmares?

beaner: Recently? About what?

dr_-phil-facepalm

Beaner, that’s something you would have to answer.

beaner: I know. So, yes. My mom’s been in the hospital all week. So, I’ve been wanting her to keep living. She’s OK for now, though.

OK, before we wrap this up, just like I do with the others, I’m going to throw out a series of fast-paced questions. Try not to think too much when answering, and let’s see where this goes. First is, Coke or Pepsi?

beaner: Hawaiian Punch. I don’t drink soda.

Alcohol or weed?

beaner: Beer.

Nine Inch Nails or Marilyn Manson?

beaner: Neither.

Rap or Rock?

beaner: Metal.

Ice Cube or Ice-T?

beaner: NWA.

Wow, beaner. You truly are an asshole.

hgqj78

beaner: GABETHEASSHOLE

Red or blue?

beaner: Silver and Black.

GD. OK, alter_legend or Rick_Star?

beaner: Neither.

Is Angryred, angry?

beaner: She’s a sweetheart. You have to get to know people.

Should she change her username to not_so_angryred?

beaner: Hell no. No one should.

And before we go, what would you like to say to anyone reading this right now?

beaner: Stop taking chat so serious and lighten up.

raw-1


2
I got Beaner’d. It happened here.

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