Christmas is right around the corner. Yes, that mysterious Santa Clause is planning his course, making sure the reindeer have like – gas an’ shit. While we wait for our homes to be broken into by someone who gives us stuff, I’m going to play the role of Satan Clause and give all of you a present. 2 things, though:
1: That wasn’t a typo up there.
2: This present doesn’t come in a fuckin’ box.
KLN sat down with the super awesome brattanybells to bring you an exclusive 1-on-1. That’s right, we have a tree that’s bigger than the Trump Tower and enough Christmas lights to cover Las fuckin’ Vegas. And while the last two things are bullshit, the following is not.
[Editor’s note: It’s on.]
DECEMBER 17, 2016
Before we begin, do I have your permission to post this on KLN?
Wonderful. Let’s jump right on into it with this one. Why in the hell are you not an admin anymore?
brattanybells: Well, I decided to step down temporarily, due to some major health problems/concerns.
Do you mind telling us what those health concerns are?
brattanybells: Not at all. Basically, I have suffered from Polycystic ovarian syndrome for a long part of my life. To deal with that, I was given IUDs – I had 2 total. The first one shifted, dilating my cervix and leaving it vulnerable, so I developed cancerous tissue. I got the IUD and a LEEP to remove the cancerous tissue. But wait, it gets better! Shortly after this, I found out I have Factor 8, meaning I have thick blood. I was a cigarette smoker and taking birth control pills because the IUD wasn’t working, and I needed to control my PCOS. For those that don’t know, PCOS is a common disorder in women that causes cysts to grow on their ovaries when they ovulate.
On a scale of 1 to 10, what would you say the pain is like from this?
brattanybells: Depends on the size of the cyst, how big it is, and if it bursts. Anyway, my doctor decided to give me a second IUD, this one also shifted. This time, it shifted upwards, damaging my uterus. I had an immediate removal – at this point, there were no chances for me to have children. I decided to get a Tubal ligation, meaning, they cut my tubes; and a NovaSure endometrial ablation, meaning they … I’m not totally sure – sand down the ending of my uterus so periods aren’t so bad.
brattanybells: I really have no beef with anyone – can’t say I’d choose a single person, honestly.
Wow! Consider yourself lucky. I mean, I do like crop – don’t get me wrong, Prestige Worldwide for life, but I wouldn’t mind throwing him from a moving vehicle in real life. With that said, what’s the craziest thing that’s happened to you on Kageshi?
brattanybells: [Pauses] I don’t know if I should say.
Well, of COURSE you should!
brattanybells: Okay. A year before I was an admin, and nudity was still allowed on the site, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob in my room. It was a group vote the users of punkchat made. I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE!
You can’t see me, but, I just reacted as if I lost the lotto. Any screenshots going around. I mean, I don’t want them, I was just … I was just wondering.
brattanybells: No, no, definitely not. It was very quiet that night, apart from my regulars. However, I haven’t done anything like that since then!
Your room, punkchat, was this a room on Stickam?
Wow, you went there with Myspace, fuck me. So, this has been around for a long time. Who are the co-owners?
brattanybells: I have multiple co-owners that are all from myspace days, and all of my supers are from Myspace/Stickam days, mods are from people we met on Kageshi.
How big is the punkchat ban list?
brattanybells: 1 page, [Laughs], like – 8 total.
Ouch! OK, ummm…moving right along here. I haven’t seen Crixa since he said his mom sleeps with him because of his nightmares. What’s the most fucked up dream you can remember?
brattanybells: [Laughs] I don’t recall Crixa ever saying that, but, I have night-terrors and I am on medication for that. Every night is my most fucked up dream. #truth
Have you ever been arrested?
Are you in a relationship?
brattanybells: Yes, dating the best nerd ever for over 2 & 1/2 years. His name is Samta_Claws, on the site.
Awesome! How’s that going?
brattanybells: Completely epic. We’re quite perfect for each other – totally open, threesomes are cool and shit, etc.
Has that happened yet? A threesome…
brattanybells: Indeed, it has.
Who got the most attention?
brattanybells: Equal attention.
Is Swamp_Claws good in bed? OK, I meant Samta.
brattanybells: [Laughs] Totally. Swamp_Claws. [Laughs]
I had a little bit to drink before we started. OMG, so you saw, Rogue One: A Star Wars Story, correct?
brattanybells: I DID! I went on opening night, wearing a Star Wars beanie, hoodie, t-shirt, and socks.
Rate it 1/10, please?
brattanybells: 20/10, easily. You just need to remember its the prequel to 4.
Was the theater packed?
brattanybells: Not too bad, no. I LOL’d a lot – and shouted a lot. And to be honest, I cried.
I sit here thinking about you being trapped with a bunch of neckbeards and fanboy critics. Was it like that?
brattanybells: I went with three of my nerdy friends and they all sat around me because they know of my PTSD, Agoraphobia, and Social anxiety, so it was pretty great. Everybody clapped at the end. It was an awesome experience, overall.
Did you sneak anything in the theater?
brattanybells: Of course not! My boyfriend is the assistant manager!
Oops! I – [Pauses] I mean, I would never sneak snacks, alcohol, or lube in a theater, and anyone reading this should not do that either! FML. OK, next question…
brattanybells: Your secret is safe with me…just don’t come to my theater.
I just loaded some songs on the YouTube player. I’m listening to these while I conduct this interview. What do you usually listen to?
brattanybells: Punk Rock, Black/Death metal, Jazz, Classical, and Acoustic.
I think crop was born acoustic. I mean, autistic.
brattanybells: I see what you did there.
Ayy. [Pauses] Have you ever been in a fight in real life?
brattanybells: [Laughs] Yes. Okay, in 9th grade, no one liked me; I was a nerd, I kept to myself, and I played my video games. This one popular girl tried calling me ugly and shoved me into my locker. I proceeded to grab her, and bite off a chunk of her earlobe, and spit it in her face.
What’s your favorite marijuana strain?
brattanybells: Indica, Indica, Indica.
Where were you born?
brattanybells: Tacoma, Washington.
Have you ever traveled outside of the United States?
brattanybells: Nope. I have never left the country. But, I did a lot of traveling – hopping trains and hitchhiking, etc.
Did you ever meet any unruly boxcar jumpers?
brattanybells: Yes. It’s not uncommon to fuck with female train hoppers who can’t run from them or people who don’t back them up. I was nearly raped before someone came to my assistance. I ran away as fast as I could from the train tracks. The person who saved my life told me to run … I don’t know what happened to him.
I’m glad you got out of that situation. I hate to even think about you going through that.
brattanybells: I was traveling with my boyfriend at the time, who was extremely abusive. We settled down in Boulder, Colorado, after finding my dog in Las Cruces, New Mexico. We played music on the street corners for money, for months. Eventually, I couldn’t do it anymore and I asked my parents for help. They flew us back home to Washington. I got a job a Circuit City, he did shit, then he cheated on me. My dog now lives with my parents and she’s happy as fuck, yo.
Does this guy ever get on Kageshi?
brattanybells: Nah, he hated the fact I used chat websites because he was one of those really jealous guys. I wasn’t allowed to have guy friends -then I walked in on him eating out my best friend. [Laughs] Hypocrisy.
Wow. What did you do when you saw that?!
brattanybells: [Laughs] Well, he was 21 at the time. I was 19, she was 17. I made the bigger decision to not do shit so I wouldn’t be arrested.
This interview did a 180. [Laughs]. Have you ever dated someone you met online?
brattanybells: Yeah. I don’t know what the fuck happened. But, yes – I dated a guy on World of Warcraft for a year, who was also completely jealous, and I fucking obeyed him for a stupid reason. Anyway, I passed on some great rare mounts that I rightfully won and I’m still salty.
Rare mounts? Is this a gaming thing? Because…
brattanybells: World of Warcraft stuff.
I knew it.
brattanybells: I’ve been playing since 2004, I’m sorry.
I was just about to ask that. I swear.
brattanybells: I was in line to buy it the day it came out, true story. I just shared an account with my ex, until the end of Burning Crusade.
brattanybells: Neutral – I don’t know who that is.
brattanybells: IMISSHIM – that’s one word, I swear.
brattanybells: Leader. Professional. Boss. Favorite. iknowhisface. I’m sorry, I needed a lot.
We’ll accept that as one word. Because, spad. Next up, Paco!
brattanybells: Damaged. I have known Paco for a decade. He claims he created punkchat on Myspace. I was also told he told people him and I dated. wut the wut. [sic]
Wow, does he still come around punkchat?
brattanybells: Yes, and he asks us to ban him every time. We won’t so he gave up.
[Laughs] If you could change one thing about Kageshi, what would that be?
brattanybells: [Pauses] I think self-user premium accounts would be cool. I also wish I could be an admin right now, more than anything. But, I have a lot going on, and it royally sucks.
Why are there so many weed rooms? [Laughs]
brattanybells: Dude, your guess is as good as mine. I assume someone didn’t like someone from a different weed room or wanted their own and it just spread like the plague.
brattanybells: Holy crap. GO WEED! LEGALIZE! But, wow.
What hobbies do you have?
brattanybells: I suffer from a lot of mental disorders so I don’t leave the house a lot. But, I work for this great company called DVS Gaming, and I basically stream video games for them. I also read a lot of comic books and books. I like nature walks, too.
Before we wrap this up, I just have a few more questions. One of them being, what do you think about users on Kageshi trying to get other users in trouble and in turn, they themselves, get in a big ole pile of nasty dog shit?
brattanybells: I think that’s utter bullshit. If you have something to say about a specific room, bring it to a room owner. If they don’t help you, bring it to an admin’s attention.
Indeed. I think all Kageshi snakes should be cast away to their own island with nothing more than dildos and shaving cream.
brattanybells: To be honest, I don’t think they even deserve dildos.
Did you vote?
brattanybells: To be honest, politics have never really been my thing. I’ve thought about it but never really applied. I think at least people should vote for state shit … I don’t know.
What’s your favorite type of alcohol?
brattanybells: HARD CIDER!
Get ready for the KLN quick round. This is where I throw some choices at you, and you respond as fast as you can. Let’s do this. First up: Kageshi Nudity – Yes or No?
brattanybells: No. We are trying to fix things.
Beer or Liquor?
brattanybells: LIQUOR + CIDER
Online or In real life?
brattanybells: Online. I am a TOTAL introvert.
Red or Blue?
Weed or Alcohol?
brattanybells: Weed. Indica only.
Xbox or Playstation?
brattanybells: Playstation – solely because of Kingdom Hearts.
Redbull or Water?
Guns or Knives?
brattanybells: Knives. You should see mine, especially since I bet swords are included.
[Username omitted per request] – Wedge of cheese in his ass or mouth?
brattanybells: Can we not mention [Username omitted per request]?
I’ll take that as, wedge of cheese in his ass. Brattany, It’s been awesome doing this interview with you! We here at KLN wish you the best with everything and we thank you for an entertaining write-up. Is there anything you’d like to say to the people reading this?
brattanybells: Happy Holidays, Kageshi! I’m technically on bed rest right now, but having people who care about me and wishing for me to get better, helps me get better. Let’s hope we got this!
Oh, you certainly do. That’s what’s up. Much love to you, Brattany!
It’s Christmas time in Kageshi